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A few weeks ago, I spent time with someone I didn’t know very well.
I did know, however, that she spends a lot of time feeling sorry for herself.
She’s habituated to complaining and searching for clues that nothing she ever does is good enough.
The more time I spent with her, the less patience and tolerance I had for her pity party.
After the weekend, I was exhausted and completely fried.
All the energy zapped from my body.
I was very judgey of her (in my mind.)
I was grumpy and distant with those that I loved being with.
And I ordered extra cocktails (that I did not need) to soothe myself.
I didn’t have a choice in opting out of being with her, but I did have a choice in how much I let her affect me.
I hadn’t prepared well. I didn’t have any boundaries in place.
I don’t have it all figured out yet, but since that weekend a few weeks ago, I have been working on strategies for protecting my energy if I ever find myself in a situation like this again.
It made me wonder if you know what zaps your energy.
And how do you create boundaries to protect your energy from getting zapped?
Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. I’ll read and reply to all of them!
An energy zapper for me is news programs and social media. Thanks to algorithms, I don't control what is sent my way, and I have a hard time controlling what info I do choose to look at; I get interested in it, even when I know it's probably not going to be helpful or enhance my day-to-day experience. I think it's like a dopamine hit. The other energy zappers I've noticed: expectations of myself/others (manuals), perfectionism, and desire for validation. Self-compassion when I struggle has been essential for being able to see things differently.
I agree Deborah about news and social media...I'm actively working on staying "informed" in a way that I have more control over, instead of what algorithms "think" I should know.
Yes to self-compassion in the moments of feeling energy zapped!
A sure energy zapper for me is if anything comes up with my children. I saw a text today (Thank you Bark) that my older one sent that is weighing on me. My younger one is visiting with her aunt and isn't doing well. Hard to bounce back from these things but, also not things I don't want to see or avoid. I want to know when they are having issues even if I can't solve or fix them.
I think you're naming something very important here, Krystal, that sometimes we want our energy diverted to what we care about even if it feel depleting. Thank you for this.
I have had similar experiences with people who show up in life that way, it can be very draining. It does not happen to me as often as it used to as I usually make decisions intentionally to not spend time with them. However, If I cannot avoid it - I usually will ask more positive themed questions to divert "the complaining" tendencies or let them be and just listen. While silently thinking of what is positive in my life to avoid feeling so negative around them. I would say I am very sensitive to energy and I really try to protect it without changing anyone. Another thing that zaps me is worrying about my parent's health - which is something that I am still working on. That has been a recent challenge I am doing some self work on. Of course - artwork and poetry have been amazing ways for me to protect and regain energy. As well as reconnecting with nature. Breathing in all of natures energy is very helpful.
I also feel zapped by people “complaining” (myself included, turns out 😬). I can tolerate it more easily some days, less on others, depending on my own mood or available bandwidth.
Another one for me is organizing plans for groups….coming up with options, following up with people who haven’t weighed in, making a final decision that some might not like…. as I take it out of my head and put it here, I see very specific parts to self coach/get coached on. Love this question Katie! ❤️
YES! organizing plans for others....I'm exhausted just typing those words. HAHA. When you get the coaching on this figured out, please share your wisdom with me. I'll need it!
Two things: other people complaining and my own high expectations for other people. In both cases I work on trying to accept people and remind myself of how we’re all imperfect. It also helps that I’ve identified this habit in my own thinking and when I notice it reappear it makes it easier to observe and release.
Ah...we share "people complaining" in common. Thanks for the reminder, Molly, that just identifying the habit (of being energy zapped by complainers) makes it easier to notice and release.
An energy zapper for me is news programs and social media. Thanks to algorithms, I don't control what is sent my way, and I have a hard time controlling what info I do choose to look at; I get interested in it, even when I know it's probably not going to be helpful or enhance my day-to-day experience. I think it's like a dopamine hit. The other energy zappers I've noticed: expectations of myself/others (manuals), perfectionism, and desire for validation. Self-compassion when I struggle has been essential for being able to see things differently.
I agree Deborah about news and social media...I'm actively working on staying "informed" in a way that I have more control over, instead of what algorithms "think" I should know.
Yes to self-compassion in the moments of feeling energy zapped!
A sure energy zapper for me is if anything comes up with my children. I saw a text today (Thank you Bark) that my older one sent that is weighing on me. My younger one is visiting with her aunt and isn't doing well. Hard to bounce back from these things but, also not things I don't want to see or avoid. I want to know when they are having issues even if I can't solve or fix them.
I think you're naming something very important here, Krystal, that sometimes we want our energy diverted to what we care about even if it feel depleting. Thank you for this.
I have had similar experiences with people who show up in life that way, it can be very draining. It does not happen to me as often as it used to as I usually make decisions intentionally to not spend time with them. However, If I cannot avoid it - I usually will ask more positive themed questions to divert "the complaining" tendencies or let them be and just listen. While silently thinking of what is positive in my life to avoid feeling so negative around them. I would say I am very sensitive to energy and I really try to protect it without changing anyone. Another thing that zaps me is worrying about my parent's health - which is something that I am still working on. That has been a recent challenge I am doing some self work on. Of course - artwork and poetry have been amazing ways for me to protect and regain energy. As well as reconnecting with nature. Breathing in all of natures energy is very helpful.
I also feel zapped by people “complaining” (myself included, turns out 😬). I can tolerate it more easily some days, less on others, depending on my own mood or available bandwidth.
Another one for me is organizing plans for groups….coming up with options, following up with people who haven’t weighed in, making a final decision that some might not like…. as I take it out of my head and put it here, I see very specific parts to self coach/get coached on. Love this question Katie! ❤️
YES! organizing plans for others....I'm exhausted just typing those words. HAHA. When you get the coaching on this figured out, please share your wisdom with me. I'll need it!
Two things: other people complaining and my own high expectations for other people. In both cases I work on trying to accept people and remind myself of how we’re all imperfect. It also helps that I’ve identified this habit in my own thinking and when I notice it reappear it makes it easier to observe and release.
Ah...we share "people complaining" in common. Thanks for the reminder, Molly, that just identifying the habit (of being energy zapped by complainers) makes it easier to notice and release.